Learning to be alone at 20, 10 things to do

“Before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself. Before I love someone else, I’ve got to love myself” – Ed Sheeran

You may read this title and think, twenty-years-old that’s so young, there’s no need to be worried about being single at that age! And I agree completely. Or at any age in fact, we should each find a way to be content within ourselves.

I have been in back-to-back serious relationships and ‘dating’ since I was fifteen-years-old. The thing is, I never really saw myself as the kind of girl to be jumping from guy to guy, I am quietly confident and I enjoy time to myself. But I did. Yet now, I am on my own for the first time in approximately four years.

After my first break-up, I found myself searching for something to replace it straight away. I had just moved into my own place in a new city for university and I was lonely and broken-hearted, so I started dating the first cute guy who was showed me kindness. It didn’t help much, but I did it anyway.

Still, I continued searching for that something until just a few months after my last serious relationship, I jumped into another one. This time, it did make me feel better, so much so when I decided to move to Spain to study for a year, he moved with me.

But things went pear-shaped, and rather then staying away from dating like I probably should have, I started seeing my best friend in Spain who had helped me through the tough last weeks and the break-down of my relationship.

Inevitably, that also ended, so now I am making a promise myself that I will give me a chance now. Not that my relationships were bad or toxic, they weren’t at all, but now I can focus solely on myself rather than another. The following is advice I shall adhere to and I hope you too can find some solace in this strange new world of singledom.

 

Make more effort with friends

I have always highly valued my time with my friends, but I realise now that I have been on my own a little while that I’ve been missing out on so much. When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to turn down invites for a TV night with your partner, but now I have all the time in the world for my friends and I’m the one throwing out invites and building deeper friendships than I ever have before. Get out there and show your friends how much you appreciate them!

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Get out and meet new people

I love my friends, but it’s also nice to get out to see fresh faces and hear new stories. Just the other day, I met some wonderful people from Portugal, Ireland, Germany, Morocco, Austria and Azerbaijan (a little country near Turkey) simply by sparking up conversation in the girl’s bathroom and having the courage to go up to strangers. You can do this by seeing what events are going on in your city, such as dancing, rowing, clubbing, cooking – anything really! Check Facebook events, meet-up, or simply Google something you enjoy and you will find an event for sure.

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Become more active

Now that I have more time, I’m back at the gym and going to dance classes. Rather than wanting to have a lazy lie in with the other half, now you have more reason to get up, out and about doing things! Go for a walk around the park, or enjoy a swim at your local pool, it will no doubt make you feel better.

 

Watch shows you enjoy

On the other hand, we all need lazy days. Now there’s no need to compromise on the shows you want to watch because of your partner. Time to get your Netflix on and binge on your favourite shows without the guilt of what your other half thinks.

 

Take time to develop your creativity

Since I have been alone, my imagination is once again in full swing! I’m back to writing poetry, keeping up to date with my journal, sketching, dancing and deepening my creativity each day. Plus, I’m also feeling more inspired to keep regularly updating my blog. You will feel more focused on your own.

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Give back to others

It will make you realise that really, life is great and what is happening is just a passing storm in your life. People are suffering much worse adversities than a broken heart, not that it makes your pain any less, but working with these people or animals is likely to put your own hardships into perspective.

 

Spend more time with family

Sometimes being in a relationship can take your focus off those who mean the most – your family! Even though I am many miles away studying abroad, I now have more time alone to be able to video chat with my mum and keep up with my family. These are the people that will always have your back no matter what, so don’t leave them out.

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Don’t be afraid of doing things alone

Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. I know I always used to fear doing things by myself, but now I quite happily go to coffee shops, parks and even restaurants by myself! The trick is to take a good book, sit back and watch the world go by. I actually prefer doing stuff by myself now rather than with bad company.

 

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Bella Vista beach

Travel more

Maybe this one is focused more on the wanderlusts out there, but I know for sure each time I feel the roar of the plane’s engine and see a whole new place in front of my eyes, my heart heals a little more each time.

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Don’t look back, this loneliness won’t last forever

Stop moping about the past, I know I’m terrible for going back over my relationships, pining over the good memories and scrutinizing everything to understand what went wrong. But frankly, people grow apart and you have to move on. Eventually, the emptiness will fill itself, not by dating other people, but by learning to get on with yourself and enjoying your own company. It will get better.

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It’s okay to be single, it doesn’t have to be the whole Bridget Jone’s scenario (though it’s cool if that’s your thing), it can be uplifting and fulfilling. It’s okay if it hurts too, I know I certainly don’t always get on with myself and now that I’m forced to, it’s not going to be easy… But before I let myself invest all my time into someone else, I’m going to work on myself first and be the kind of person I would want to be with. Finally, I’m ready for some me time!

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